Dating someone with dismissive avoidant attachment

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Do you ever wonder how you can slmeone from a completely sane and confident person, to a clinging or withdrawing relationshipzilla in about 60 seconds flat? Welcome to the world of attachment systems and romantic attachment styles. We all possess an attachment system. It is a mechanism in our brain that is diwmissive for monitoring and tracking the availability of our partners in our relationships. Last week, we covered the attachment system and needs of the avoidajt preoccupied attachment style. Understanding your attachment avoidanh is the first step. Then moving into understanding your needs and how they relate to your partner, starts you well on your way to building a secure relationship. When the going gets tough and your attachment system is activated are you one to or hightail it out of there? Neither one is right nor wrong, each style has different needs. While the need for connection and belonging is universal, avoidant individuals suppress their need for intimate attachment. This does not mean that their heart is made of steel, in fact they are just as vulnerable to the threat of separation as the rest of us. Must be nice eh? To have a shield with which their heart remains impenetrable— but as always there is a flipside. There is a desire to be close and have a relationship, but yet there is always a mental distance dating someone with dismissive avoidant attachment an escape route. This can have a negative impact on intimacy and the over all relationship if the person is not aware of their need for independence. When this style feels that their independence is in jeopardy or their relationship is becoming inter-reliant, they resort to deactivating strategies. I hear the word deactivate, I automatically think about disabling a bomb avoidanr shutting down a missile launch. Although we are not bombs that are going to explode, our attachment systems activate and if not controlled can cause some pretty extreme reactions and feelings. A deactivating strategy is a way to shut down, disable, and avoid having to experience such feelings. Essentially, these strategies are any behaviours or thoughts used to suffocate intimacy. Every single one of these examples is meant to stop intimacy dead in its tracks. If you lack awareness of your needs, then yes. So listen up hightailers! There is certainly a middle ground and with this information you can work towards building a secure relationship. Always remember that your partner is human; they cannot be perfect. Try to train your eye to pick up on the positive and supportive traits in your partner and watch your relationship transform! Wishing you love and connection, References Levine, A. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—And Keep—Love.

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